I thought to myself I wouldn't ever start a blog because it just isn't for me... Well here I am. It's Monday late morning and I am volunteering as an indoor gardening aide in a local conservatory. The gardener who normally gives me instructions was gone and the volunteer who usually partners with me wasn't there either.
The gardener who filled in, led me to a cooler greenhouse filled with foxgloves and Azaleas. Such a pretty picture I thought. "After my shift, I'll get my camera and capture this pretty sight."
"How pretty," I told the gardener. (not exact words.) I looked up and stated "Snapdragons." The gardener as well as another volunteer who happened to be there looked confused.
Autistic moment... My mind read "foxglove" but it came out as "snapdragon." I joked and said, "I know what I am talking about, I just can't get the right word." I also joked and pointed out the similarities between the two. The gardener points to the area.
"They're going out," he says. What? I was hoping he was pointing to something else. After all being so called "High Functioning Autistic" (PDD NOS if you want specific), whenever someone points to something, I look at their finger first and then to where I think they are pointing...
Since I'm looking at where they are pointing from my perspective, not theirs, I find myself somewhat confused sometimes if what they are pointing to does not match the object they are describing. Anyways I was hoping that was the case with these tall beautiful, perfectly healthy snapdragons, I mean foxgloves...
Nope. No such luck. The gardener grabbed one and without giving a a care, tipped it over to its side over a trash can. Immediately he lopped off the trunk and instructed me to cut as close to the soil as possible. After that he set the pot down on a dolly.
I looked up at the table full of foxgloves, felt a tinge of sadness, but like a heartless robot, got to work dismantling one at a time. As I got into the motion, I started thinking and reflecting all kinds of deep thoughts about society, how people misunderstand autism, and so on... My thoughts raced from how society seems to have a disease for every personality quirk... Okay I'm jumping a little there, but if they haven't they soon will... I hope to elaborate on that in another post...
In the process, I thought, what word would describe an autistic mind? What word describes my mind? Lots of people assume that a nonverbal autistic is just a "retard" and devoid of thought...
Well I have a small assignment for anyone who stumbles upon this blog. Google: Amanda Baggs and click on the you-tube link to "In My Language" It has been proven to be her words. No hoaxes, etc... If that isn't detailed thinking, I don't know what that is.
Perhaps that is what Autism is: A detailed thinker. Some people may think autistic people are absent minded, lacking common sense, not being able to process all senses at once (The one sense at a time could be true for some). "Lost in thought" perhaps is better suited. I know while I am deeply introspecting upon whatever fancies me at the moment, it is hard to focus on the outside world besides simple tasks. It works vis-versa. The more complex the external task, the less I can concentrate in my mind. I can't think detailed thoughts when crossing a busy street and focusing n the cars around me. Likewise while I'm trying to think of a solution for world peace I cannot be focused on a someone trying to tell me about how wonderful their relationship with their boyfriend is.
No wonder why I don't make good communication with most people. We are in two different worlds of thought. The outsider is focused on the here and now; what things are in front of them.
My mind is on the deeper things, like trying to figure out the meaning of life, what makes up thought process, why certain religious sects get into such violent wars when their ideology is supposedly wishing for peace... Hmmm. I wonder who is the more disabled?
------------------------
Okay, Is this a blog about foxgloves and gardening or a blog about autism? Well stick around and see. I have lots more in my head than I can ever write in one given moment...
Feel free to read an essay I wrote for Autism Awareness.
The gardener who filled in, led me to a cooler greenhouse filled with foxgloves and Azaleas. Such a pretty picture I thought. "After my shift, I'll get my camera and capture this pretty sight."
"How pretty," I told the gardener. (not exact words.) I looked up and stated "Snapdragons." The gardener as well as another volunteer who happened to be there looked confused.
Autistic moment... My mind read "foxglove" but it came out as "snapdragon." I joked and said, "I know what I am talking about, I just can't get the right word." I also joked and pointed out the similarities between the two. The gardener points to the area.
"They're going out," he says. What? I was hoping he was pointing to something else. After all being so called "High Functioning Autistic" (PDD NOS if you want specific), whenever someone points to something, I look at their finger first and then to where I think they are pointing...
Since I'm looking at where they are pointing from my perspective, not theirs, I find myself somewhat confused sometimes if what they are pointing to does not match the object they are describing. Anyways I was hoping that was the case with these tall beautiful, perfectly healthy snapdragons, I mean foxgloves...
Nope. No such luck. The gardener grabbed one and without giving a a care, tipped it over to its side over a trash can. Immediately he lopped off the trunk and instructed me to cut as close to the soil as possible. After that he set the pot down on a dolly.
I looked up at the table full of foxgloves, felt a tinge of sadness, but like a heartless robot, got to work dismantling one at a time. As I got into the motion, I started thinking and reflecting all kinds of deep thoughts about society, how people misunderstand autism, and so on... My thoughts raced from how society seems to have a disease for every personality quirk... Okay I'm jumping a little there, but if they haven't they soon will... I hope to elaborate on that in another post...
In the process, I thought, what word would describe an autistic mind? What word describes my mind? Lots of people assume that a nonverbal autistic is just a "retard" and devoid of thought...
Well I have a small assignment for anyone who stumbles upon this blog. Google: Amanda Baggs and click on the you-tube link to "In My Language" It has been proven to be her words. No hoaxes, etc... If that isn't detailed thinking, I don't know what that is.
Perhaps that is what Autism is: A detailed thinker. Some people may think autistic people are absent minded, lacking common sense, not being able to process all senses at once (The one sense at a time could be true for some). "Lost in thought" perhaps is better suited. I know while I am deeply introspecting upon whatever fancies me at the moment, it is hard to focus on the outside world besides simple tasks. It works vis-versa. The more complex the external task, the less I can concentrate in my mind. I can't think detailed thoughts when crossing a busy street and focusing n the cars around me. Likewise while I'm trying to think of a solution for world peace I cannot be focused on a someone trying to tell me about how wonderful their relationship with their boyfriend is.
No wonder why I don't make good communication with most people. We are in two different worlds of thought. The outsider is focused on the here and now; what things are in front of them.
My mind is on the deeper things, like trying to figure out the meaning of life, what makes up thought process, why certain religious sects get into such violent wars when their ideology is supposedly wishing for peace... Hmmm. I wonder who is the more disabled?
------------------------
Okay, Is this a blog about foxgloves and gardening or a blog about autism? Well stick around and see. I have lots more in my head than I can ever write in one given moment...
Feel free to read an essay I wrote for Autism Awareness.
1 comment:
Congratulations on your new blog :-)
I enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing.
Jeff
Post a Comment