This was a pm I sent to a parent on a forum. This parent was complaining and wishing he/she had spent more time googling and finding out information about vaccines before giving one to his/her child. This person even called him/herself an idiot and decided to take the blame for the child’s autism. This saddens me, because I don’t like people beating themselves up for things they either had no control or knew no better. It’s too easy to fall into self pity traps. Being human I’ve hosted such parties many times, and I’ll tell you I left feeling worse than when I came.
Either way I honestly feel that parents who share this viewpoint are being way too hard on themselves. What is in "" and italic is their quote copied from part of a forum post.
"The guilt I carry will never go away, and no rally, website, or scientific study will ever change that."
You have the choice to keep digging down in the mud feeling guilty and sad. That's your right. But it is a miserable feeling to live with isn't it? I know that sucks having to carry such a huge burden.
There was a time my dad was about to blame himself for the same thing, but as his daughter I'm glad he let go and cheered up. I enjoyed my dad being more positive. I honestly believe it helped our relationship.
I know I did not choose to be autistic, nor did my parents. It just happened. Rather than wonder why I couldn't look into a crystal ball to make my decision on what life to live, I decided to just let go and take my life a day at a time. I used to believe things happen for a reason, but then I wised up and realized, things just happen.
You may not have to be religious, but I believe these things that happen, both good and bad, are there to help shape our character. They may seem unfair at times. We can choose to use them to make ourselves stronger or we can let them weaken and defeat us.
That is each person's decision. Regardless of whether or not the shot triggered your kid's autism you don't need to be so hard on yourself. Let other things in your life do that for you. There's enough "crap" out in the world to deal with. Dwelling on negative past things are a real drag.
And to be honest I've heard convincing evidence from both sides, for and against shots being the "cause". Right now I decided to settle on "I don't know." as my answer about vaccines and the "cause" of autism. I honestly believe autism is not from just one cause. It is a combination of things. Try this exercise:
Draw a flower about 10-20 times. Unless you're a copy machine, you're not going to get every flower exactly the same. That is how the human brain is. There isn't just autism but other things as well, because after all when it all comes down to it, you're seeing a shape that could have been formed by many possible causes. So as hard as it is to think about right now, please try not to be overly hard on yourself about something you didn't know about. I used to wonder "had x been different had I been given the chance to rewind time" It dawned on me I'd make the exact same decisions because, after all I knew no different. I made the "right" decision at the time with the info I had and whatever mental state and emotion I had.
I hope this helps. I know I can't take away your guilt or pain.
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